An Unexpected Guest
by RomanViking
Summary: It's Christmas Eve, and Diana gets a surprise visit from Akko. Things proceed to happen. Made for Diakko week, 12 days of Diakko, and Little Witch Academia's Secret Santa. Inspired by The Neon Flower, and all that other generic Diakko stuff. Merry Christmas!


Diana laid in her bed, wondering at what could come tonight.

Normally, during this time, sugar plums were supposed to be dancing in her heads, as she dreamed of all the wonders that Knish Kringle would bring.

At her age, it was only natural that Diana didn't believe in Knish, but she often found herself reverting back into a childlike state, asking 'What if?'

What if Knish Kringle was real, and truly brought holly jolly joy wherever he went?

Why, if that were the case, then all the pain in the world would come to an end. All the rape and disease, the murdering and blasphemy, it would all go away.

But to Diana, all that pain and suffering meant nothing. Hundreds of babies could be sodomized in front of Diana, and she would only stare and laugh. Millions of falsely accused prisoners could be sent to death row, and she would only cough in one hand, the very idea not affecting her in the slightest. Above all else, death and murder, rape and hell fire could engulf all of the universe, sending everyone unlucky enough that would face the heat and decay to the morgue prematurely, but as long as Diana sucked but a drop of puberty grease from Akko's sweet hair, paradise would respond with an approving smile.

All that mattered was that Diana had her one true love, Akko.

Diana clutched her body pillow, made in the likeness of her queen. A sniff and a rub of the comfort item would have to suffice tonight.

Someday, one day, the blonde beauty would be able to spend Knishmas with Akko. But for now, while they were still teenagers, Diana would stay with her family, and Akko would stay with her's. Too bad, if only every member of the Cavendishes were to drop dead painfully, then Diana would hopefully be adopted by Akko's parents. Sure, Diana and Akko would be sisters in law, but true love can break all sorts of barriers.

She knew that one day, Akko and her would get married, and have kids, even if it was scientifically impossible.

Diana scoffed at the very mention of science. It was science's fault that two xx chromosome bearing humans couldn't produce a child. Science was sexist, and a bigot, not to mention a Nazi fascist, cis white male. Why, if science was here right now, Diana would simply blow it up with no remorse, just like what Madonna wanted to do to The White House.

But still, even if the hatred that Diana had for the sexist ways of science, the sheer longing that she had for Akko completely overshadowed it.

If only Akko were here for Knishmas. The whole world would cheer, tears running down their faces, drowning all those who oppose.

After all, Diana had remembered what Chariot said, 'Believing is your magic'. And those words stuck with the Cavendish, even if her love of the stage performer was a well kept secret.

And Diana believed. She believed that one day that clumsy adorable oaf of a woman would come. She would come, and with her she would bring all the holly and jolly of Knishmas.

Diana knew it, and her heart beated with excitement.

Suddenly, Diana heard a scurrying coming from outside of her room.

It was a pitter patter, almost as if a raccoon or some other vermin had found its way into her home.

Diana paused her breathing, listening intently to the sounds.

In a few moments, Diana came to the realization that the noise did not come from an animal, but that of man.

Someone was walking around, an intruder was present!

Diana gritted her teeth, wondering just what kind of lowlife could be prowling around at this time. Knishmas was a time of joy and gift giving, for family and friends to express their happiness, not for some slithering snake to rob a sleeping family of all that they own.

With the combination of the lack of Akko and this new presence, Diana felt sick. Two great shames had come down tonight, and Diana was not in a positive mood.

In a fit of suppressed anger, Diana got out of her bed, making sure to hide of body pillow under it.

If that thief were to steal anything, it better not be the waifu pillow! Or else Hell would be paid, and blood would be spilt. Death and rotting corruption shall wrap themselves around the throats of man. Babies shall be still upon birth, and the woods shall consume what was taken from them. Nature shall respond with a blinding wave of mortality, souls shall be ripped away from their vessels, and every community, every city, every town, and every little village shall be lit up in hell fire. Diana would become death's assistant, personally ensuring that no head shall go uncracked, and no life shall go to another destination other than the other world, where they shall forever wander through the fog and shadows, cursing themselves for being born of the same being as that of the thief that started it all.

Diana knows what she'll have to do. In order to not only defend Knishmas, but the virginity of Earth itself, she would have to confront the intruder, and she knows just how to do it.

Diana, now out of bed, opens her drawer, pulling out one of her few mementos from Luna Nova academy, her wand.

The blonde looked it over, admiring the craftsmanship, and above all else, the message from Akko.

Against the handle was a kiss mark, bolded by lipstick. A string was also present, attached to the hilt. Dangling from it was a message, reading

"I want to sex you up. Xoxoxo, from: Sexy-Poo"

Diana lightly smiled at it. Akko was such a charmer!

However, these newly acquired feeling were soon brushed away, as the sounds of the intruder became apparent again.

Diana clutched at her wand with pride. She was a witch, one born of the Cavendish family.

She could handle some nameless robber.

As quietly as a mouse, Diana opened her chamber door.

She let out a silent gasp as she saw a shadow flickering against the wall in front of her, made apparent by the lit definitely was someone, hunched over, committing whatever action that was fitting of scum.

Diana stepped out, almost feeling as if she was entering a whole other world.

She could feel the sticky air of decay against her face, almost as if she was in a shower.

The intruder was poisoning the air with just his very presence!

Diana rounded the corner.

At first, she saw the lit fireplace, as ablaze as it was the moment she left it. She then saw the Knishmas tree, decorated with care. Then, she saw the monster that had invader her home. His back was facing her, as the culprit was hunched over the tree, a black bag by his side.

Diana silent gasped as she understood what this intruder was doing. He was trying to steal the presents!

Diana let out a grunt, raising her wand to greet the man who still thought he was alone.

Diana allowed a moment of time to pass, ensuring that this was in fact a man of theft, and not just one her family members, impatient to wait till Knishmas morning.

A few noises came from the intruder. It seemed as if he was speaking Japanese.

Knowing now what to say, Diana mutters

"Omae wa mou shindeiru…"

The man, standing up, asks

"Nanni?"

Before a further breath nor another sound could be exhaled, a ball of magic fires out of her wand, shooting across the room, striking the man.

A scream is let out, and he collapses to the floor, blood rushing out of the wound.

Diana lets out a sigh, satisfied that all is now well, and the intruder has been dispatched.

But, something about the intruder didn't sit right with Diana. The scream that he let out, was high pitched, almost as if it came from a woman. And not only that, but it was a familiar scream, a scream that Diana would hear in her ear every night that Diana and Akko shared the same bed.

That's when it stuck her. The man was not a man, but one who identified as female! And not only that, but it was her boo, Akko!

Diana drops her wand, running towards the tree, tears streaming from her ghost white face.

Diana takes a knee, quickly clutching the dead body of her girlfriend, blood staining the entire room.

Diana let out a few sorrowful weeps, not helping to feel guilt running through her, knowing that she was responsible for such a task.

The body was cold, but the blood was warm, creating a disparity that only added to the horror of the whole situation.

In a teary mess, Diana mournfully asks the carcass

"Oh Akko! I'm so sorry! I didn't know it was you! Just what on Earth were you doing here?!"

A few sniffles, and Diana turned to the black bag Akko was carrying.

Upon closer inspection, she saw that it contained many presents, all from Akko to Diana.

A wave of crushing guilt swept over Diana. It's as if her whole world was shattered.

Oh Akko, she was only trying to add a few presents to the tree!

Diana wept, sniffling and snotting at the whole situation at hand.

By now, the blood had grown cold, matching that of the body that once contained so much life and energy.

But now, thanks to Diana, that life had been extinguished. There could be no going back now, no amount of spells would fix this. Akko had slipped into dusty death, her candle had gone out, and no quantity of matches or fire could ever bring the flame of life back.

As the adrenalin of the whole situation eventually began to wear off, Diana's body became more attuned to the outside world.

Even faced with the coldness of death, Diana couldn't help but feel a thin layer of warmth overcoming her.

She turned to the source, coming face to face with the fireplace, still burning brightly and proudly.

Diana stared into the fire longingly, still overcome with depression and guilt.

The flames never looked so welcoming.


End file.
